3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize