i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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