Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
