When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
