I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
