next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
