ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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