Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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