just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
