You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
