Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.

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(850): View more from Florida

Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".

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(616): View more from Michigan

Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom

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