she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize