if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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