my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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