You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
