I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
