If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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