I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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