So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
