Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
