Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize