I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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