I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
