Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
