Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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