Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
