Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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