I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
