every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
