My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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