im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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