1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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