Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You pole danced in your parka.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
