2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
