Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
