I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's blow job season.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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