He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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