we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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