Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
