You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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