i think my tv is drunk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
