shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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