i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
