i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
