youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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