What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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