Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
