I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
