She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
