his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize