dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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