wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
