too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
