its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize