So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
