I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she peed on how many people?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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