i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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