Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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