just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
