Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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