thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
