ugly people sure do ruin things
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
