I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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