i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He passed out mid-signature
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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