garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
