i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
