mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My pussy is not your playground.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We left an ass print on the piano.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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