dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
