Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
