I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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