I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
