your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
