I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
