I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
