If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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