If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
